I have watched numerous videos and read many articles that discuss self-care. All of them basically give the same advice: take baths and use scented candles. But as a black woman, I never really fit into the self-care aesthetic. A simple bath could not solve the way I felt, and a 5-minute meditation and scented candle could not stop me from suffering from burnout and feeling like I am unworthy.

Now, I am not saying that those things are not worth it and do not help. I am saying that there is more to self-care than just showing up every day in your best outfit, taking a bath in a hot tub, feeling good, and saying affirmations you found on Pinterest. There is more to it that no one talks about, and it took me a few years to figure it out, and I finally did. Self-care is all about being good and not looking good. It has nothing to do with aesthetics or how it looks; it is about being intentional about yourself and your well-being.

SO WHAT IS SELF-CARE?

Self-care, in simple terms, is caring for yourself. I know it sounds crazy, but here me out.

Self-care is all about being intentional about your well-being and actually checking up on yourself; how do I feel? What do I want? How am I fairing? All these question helps you care for yourself.

A lot of people mistake self-care for self-maintenance. Now I am not saying you shouldn’t get your hair done or wear the most beautiful clothes ever. Girl, wear what you want to wear! I am saying that in the midst of all that, you have to check up on yourself, and I am going to give you some of my best tips.

YOU NEED TO START WITH EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL SELF-CARE: If your mental and emotional health is not right, nothing else will be right. These two are the core of your self-care. You have to get to know yourself. Sit with yourself for at least 15 minutes a day. It will be uncomfortable at first, but with time, you will get used to it, and it will be so worth it in the end. I recommend doing this immediately you wake up in the morning. Go on a self-discovery journey. Get to know yourself for who you are and who you want to become. It is not just about becoming ‘her’, it is about getting to know her. Rewire your mindset, journal, and spend time with yourself.

SET BOUNDARIES: Setting boundaries is not just about saying no to things; it is about knowing what you will and will not accept into your life. It is about knowing what you want for yourself and knowing what will not benefit you. It is a huge part of self-care. I believe that for you to actually care for yourself, you need a certain level of selfishness. You need to put yourself and your needs first before others, and that is what boundaries are for.

Self-care isn’t just about looking good; it is about prioritizing yourself and taking care of yourself. It is about making an effort to show up for yourself when needed. Although it is not talked about enough, it is essential in living your best life, and you are your main priority. No one else.